It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
