I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Randomize
