My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
