I hate all girls vehemently.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
worst night to have a conscience
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize