Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
