Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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