And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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