I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
