I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
