then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
