Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
