That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
