he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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