alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
