You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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