what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
