i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
