I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
