I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Non-Jews are for practice
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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