I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
