When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
