I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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