bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize