I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
