So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
