O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
