omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
