If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
