I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
