nut hugger
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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