someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
