32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
