1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
