I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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