I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
