I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize