I wish my penis had an off switch
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
