I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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