Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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