oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
