There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
