Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
