Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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