my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
