1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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