It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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