Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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