A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
