So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
