you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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