bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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