How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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