If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
