somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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