would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
