I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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