you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
