I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
