Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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