I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
