she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
