This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
