Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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