I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
