Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This house was built for laser tag.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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