where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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