OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
