I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
