im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
