i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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