the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
