We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this boner is exhausting
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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