i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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