Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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