just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
