I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
