no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
