I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
