I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
