well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
