and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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