Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
