i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
