Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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