okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
