I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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