I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
