idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
